May I Never Forget

It's been 19 years...  How can that be possible?  19 years since the dark and rainy April night when I really learned how to put my life in His hands.  Almost two decades have gone by.  It seems like a lifetime ago.  Truly, it is only a blink, a tiny blip on the radar of eternity.

Our days on earth are like grass;

like wildflowers, we bloom and die.

The wind blows, and we are gone--

as though we have never been here.

He always remembers.  Somehow, it sneaks up on me.  I forget what a significant day I am living, but he remembers.  It is grace straight from heaven when he walks through the door, with arms full of those fleeting wildflowers.  Yellow flowers.  Beautiful cascading shades of yellow flowers that remind me of liberty, faithfulness, friendship, happiness.

The Lord is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

For he knows how weak we are; 

he remembers we are only dust.

I am weak.  I am only dust.  And yet the Lord remembers me.  He thinks of me.  He sent a man to be my husband when I did not believe I deserved one.  He sent a man who would remember when I forget.  A man to remind me who I am and what God has done when I have all but forgotten.  

Let all that I am praise the Lord;

with my whole heart I will praise his holy name.

Let all that I am praise the Lord; 

may I never forget the good things he does for me.

May I never forget...  I will remind myself of what it meant to be a fourteen-year-old girl.  I will remember adolescent emotions and hormones and uncertainty wrapped up in too-long arms and legs and feet.  May I never forget that young girl, abused from the start, unsure of how much to take, wondering when she would find the courage and the strength to say, "Enough!"

I will remember her on that night, 19 years ago.  How she felt that day while being berated, enduring the hours of lies and deceit.  She listened to her father's voice tell her she was a liar, she was broken, she was wrong, she was unworthy.  I remember how she struggled against the binding he tied around her wrists.  How her face stung when he hit her. How her resolve strengthened within her as another voice began to rise up from deep inside her heart, combating the lies and overcoming the pain.

The Lord is compassionate and merciful,

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

...

For his unfailing love toward those who fear him

is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

I will not forget how the promise of that unfailing love filled her heart as she laced the white tennis shoes on those early teenager feet, too big for her body.  How every breath was a prayer as she made her preparations to leave.  I will remember how her heart pounded as she placed her hand on the doorknob, "Trust in. The Lord. Trust in. The Lord."  Thump-thump, thump-thump, steadily pounding so hard and so loud in her chest as she turned the handle and threw open the door.

But the love of the Lord remains forever 

with those who fear him.

His salvation extends to the children's children

of those who are faithful to his covenant, 

of those who obey his commandments!

May I never forget that I am here today because 19 years ago a young girl encountered God in a real and tangible way.  The love of that incredible God filled her fragile heart and broken body with the courage and strength to choose another way.  God gave her the immediate strength necessary to race through the door, out into the dark, rainy night and he sustained her through the years of pain and struggle that bold move initiated. The Lord gave her a husband who reminds her of how great God's love is toward  her.  The same God gave her three beautiful, precious children and continues to extend his grace to those children now.  He continues to faithfully honor his covenant and gently guide her toward his commandments.

Praise the Lord, you angels

you mighty ones who carry out his plans,

listening for each of his commands.

Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels

who serve him and do his will!

Praise the Lord, everything he has created,

everything in all his kingdom.

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

It's been 19 years for me...  19 years since I placed my life fully and completely in God's hands, walked away from the abuse and out into the storm, and began to walk toward completely trusting him.  19 years of yellow flowers reminding me again of his continued faithfulness.  

Maybe for you, it is still a dark and rainy night.  Perhaps you are trapped and bound and beaten down by circumstances or people in your life.  Maybe you're still waiting and praying for the strength and courage to say, "Enough!"  Today, as I remember the good things God does for me, I will earnestly pray for you that this will be Day One.  I will pray he sends his armies of angels to steady your hands as you lace up your shoes, place your hand on the doorknob, and throw open the door to your future.  It may begin as an all-out sprint through the mud on a dark and rainy night. It will not end there.  I will pray that he sends you an angel who will not let you forget the good things he does for you.  He will be faithful.  You can trust in him.  

May I never forget the good things he does for me.

All Bible verses are from Psalm 103, New Living Translation.